Mama Said Knock You Out: Daiquiri Express' T.K.O.

This photo from the Daiquiri Express facebook fan page must be from their second location, but looks similar to the main location.  Kinda surreal.

It was bound to happen sooner or later: My first post about Daiquiri Express, the daiquiri shop that I love to hate.  Why hate?  You know, that's a difficult question to answer tactfully.  So I won't even try.  The average bartender at Daiquiri Express, at least in my experience, is a tweaked-out Juggalo who looks like he could possibly have driven to work in a rolling methlab.  Usually, when I walk in, he is engaged in some form of shady business with a shady character at the far end of the bar who doesn't have a drink.  Now there is a manager - I've encountered him a couple of times - but he doesn't clean up so well, either.  In fact, the manager genuinely reminds me of Paul Naschy's original Spanish version of The Wolfman.  Add to that the fact that the menu board reads like the tracklisting from a Young Jeezy album ("Liquid Cocaine," anyone?), and this place is so Shreveportastic.  Not that this is a bad thing - I just personally get annoyed when folks say they're afraid to go to the Cajun Daiquiri on E. 70th Street, but they'll gladly go to Daiquiri Express.  Daiquiri Express is the scarier of the two, if you're paying attention.

But if you love daiquiris, you have to love Daiquiri Express.  My personal favorite of their 58-item menu is the "T.K.O.," a combination of the aforementioned Liquid Cocaine and Monkey Shine.  Liquid Cocaine is basically a less-fruity Pina Colada and the Monkey Shine involves banana, chocolate, and milk, but somehow when you blend the two, you end up with what essentially tastes like an alcoholic "Coke Float."  On the off chance that any of my four readers are from Springhill, Louisiana - this essentially tastes like a "Frosty Coke" from Master Chef in Springhill.  This is one delicious and stout daiquiri.  Daiquiris with milk are kind of a house specialty here - they make an amazing White Russian, and a cool variation on the White Russian called the Colorado Bulldog (a White Russian with a splash of Coke, which is so much better than it sounds). 

Daiquiri Express is located in the "Round Building" at the Shreve-City shopping center.  Their daily Happy Hour is 4 p.m. to 7 p.m., during which all drinks are Buy One Get One Free. 

Other notable details of Daiquiri Express:
-No drive-thru (sad face)
-They're also pretty proud of their enormous Jell-O shots, which are served in huge plastic syringes.
-Prices range from $4.25 (12 oz.) to $11.25 (44 oz.)...in other news, 44 OZ. DAIQUIRIS?!  South of I-10, serving a 44 oz. daiquiri could get you brought up on manslaughter charges!
-Gift certificates are available!  Gotta love a daiquiri shop with gift certificates! 

'Tis the Season to be Hungover

You know your signature daiquiri is a hit when you have to create a Frequently Asked Questions about it.  For some reason, none of my friends share my enthusiasm for the Tony's Liquor Eggnog Daiquiri (I think it is, essentially, folk art).  When I visited Tony's recently and spoke with the owner, he reached under the counter and whipped out this Eggnog F.A.Q.  And, because the world needs it, here is the high-res version, should you need to print out a copy. 

I'm no math whiz, but if a "batch" of Eggnog contains over a half-gallon of Spiced Rum, and extra shots are available...my God, no wonder these things sell so well to the Line Avenue set.  When you think about it, it's so smart: Line Avenue Self-Medicators + Holiday Stress and Contempt + Socially Acceptable, Insanely Strong Alcoholic Beverage That People Are Entertained By.  That is a recipe for success.

Off-Menu at Cajun Daiquiri on East 70th Street

The "Skittles" Daiquiri, a gateway to another dimension available at the E.70th Street Cajun Daiquiri.  Note the extra pair of "handcuffs," my friend Mark's slang for the tape across a daiquiri lid.

Tonight I had the pleasure of meeting and chatting with Mr. Allen Taylor, manager of the Cajun Daiquiri on East 70th Street in Shreveport, easily the most interesting of the four Cajun Daiquiri locations in Shreveport-Bossier City.  Mr. Taylor's menu is well-known in town for including drinks with such insane and wonderful titles as "Pimp Juice," "Shake Them Haters Off," and "Beat Up the Drawer."  I still have no idea what the "beat up the drawer" means, and I've drank a half dozen or so of those bad boys.  But the real fireworks show isn't on the menu at all.  Mr. Taylor's gonzo daiquiri masterpieces are strictly word-of-mouth, and they are (in my opinion) the following:

"Skittles" - they literally just squirt a drop of each of the 20 or so fruity flavors offered at Cajun into the cup, the resulting chimera being an extremely tart, fruity, sugar coma-inducing atom bomb of day glo booze.  It's fantastic.

"Barack Obama" - Yes.  Cajun Daiquiri has a daiquiri named after the President.  Allen Taylor says this concoction was his idea.  I ask him if the drink is red, white, and blue, to which he responds "No, it's red, brown, and blue."  He lets that sink in for a second before adding "We replaced the white with the brown."  The drink is apparently a huge seller, especially on days when Obama is in the news.  Who says people are apathetic?

What could be better than a 44-ounce Barack Obama after a hard day at the office?  Well, Cajun Daiquiri on E. 70th has 24/7 2-for-1 specials (it's a constant happy hour essentially), so they needed to create a nice companion drink to the Barack Obama.  You guessed it...they have a daiquiri named the Michelle Obama.  It's a mixture of Wild Screw, Sex on the Beach, and Fuzzy Navel - I think maybe Mr. Taylor finds the First Lady attractive.  And since you can mix-and-match daiquiris using the 2-for-1 special, you can literally just pull up to the drive-thru window and ask for "The Obamas."  Only in Shreveport!

I personally ordered myself a Skittles today, but I will be drinking The Obamas soon.  See, that just sounds creepy.

May I Take Your Order?

This post is just an introduction to the Drink More Swamp Water blog.  My name is Chris Jay, and I'm a native resident of Louisiana with an uncommon love for the awe-inspiring variety of daiquiris available in cities like Shreveport-Bossier City, Lafayette, Baton Rouge, New Orleans, Ruston, and all of the small towns with terrific "daiquiri shacks" scattered throughout our great state.  I named the blog after what I believe to be the greatest regional daiquiri of Louisiana, "Swamp Water."  In particular, I was moved to start this blog after enjoying several slightly different - but all profoundly delicious and potent - Swamp Water daiquiris from drive-through shacks in the Abbeville, Gueydan, and Kaplan, Louisiana areas. 

My goal is to make at least one post per week reviewing my favorite regional daiquiris of Louisiana.

Just a quick word of disclaimer: I live in Shreveport-Bossier City, so many of my reviews will be of North Louisiana daiquiris, just due to convenience.  But I've got family and friends all over the State, including in the area that I regard to be the Valhalla of daiquiris - the Lafayette/Abbeville/New Iberia area.

Got suggestions or comments?  Let me know in the comments section - I plan to open an e-mail account for this blog ASAP.  Thanks for reading!